


If I Can't Have You

by Fandom_Trash235



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Female Reader, Fluff, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:26:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10741674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Trash235/pseuds/Fandom_Trash235
Summary: The Reader has a crush on Ben Organa-Solo. One night she sees him with another girl at Phasma's party and makes a bad decision.





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N walked quietly through the long hallway and into the kitchen of the apartment she shared with the Organa-Solo triplets. She had made a stupid decision last night and hoped that no one was home to see it. Last night she had gone to a party at Phasma’s with Matt, Ben and Kylo. She had had a few drinks, which is what ultimately led to her momentary lapse in judgment. Unfortunately for her, the boys had come back to the apartment earlier that day; it was now about two in the afternoon. They were all sitting at the kitchen table, Hux was with them, they all seemed to be eating lunch and talking. Once Y/N entered the kitchen they all shut up as they saw what she was wearing, which wasn’t much. Y/N stood in the doorway of the kitchen dressed only in a pair of black lace panties and a red satin housecoat that had slipped just enough to reveal her cleavage. Of course they couldn’t see the panties, so for all they knew she was naked under the housecoat. “Oh, um hey. I didn’t think you guys would be home already…” Y/N trailed off as she poured herself a glass of water, trying to act as casual as possible. “Yeah, we got back about two hours ago. We didn’t think you were home. We lost track of you at the party.” Ben said, not taking his eyes off of her form. “Where did you go?” Matt asked as he took a sip of his orange juice. “Uh…” Y/N was about to explain when they all heard a door open and close. “Hey, babe, I’m off. Last night was fun. Give me a call some time. Nice to see you guys again.” A tall dark haired man said as he poked his head into the kitchen, nodding to the men at the table and then leaving. It was Jason, Y/N’s ex. Y/N placed her face in her hands as Jason left. “So the question wasn’t where did you go but more who did you do….” Kylo scoffed as he glanced over at Y/N. An awkward silence had fallen over the room. Y/N and Jason had broken up when she found out he had cheated on her with some girl from their literature class. “I really don’t feel like talking about this.” Y/N said as she grabbed her glass of water and walked back to her room. The men all looked at each other. They remember how that relationship had ended, with a screaming match and a crying Y/N. Even Hux had been there. They had all been hanging out at the apartment when Y/N and Jason had walked in; they had starting yelling at each other right in the middle of the living room, not noticing they had an audience. Matt, Ben, Kylo and Hux had been too afraid to move. The fight had ended with Jason storming out and Y/N running off to her room. She cried for a week, the boys had trouble convincing her to leave her room. 

Thirty minutes later Y/N heard a knock on her door. “Go away.” Y/N said as she rolled over in bed. Kylo opened the door and walked into the dimly lit room. She hadn’t opened the curtains or turned on any lights. Obviously nursing a hangover. Kylo closed the door behind him. “Y/N” He said in his low baritone voice. “Not now Kylo.” Y/N replied as she yanked the sheets above her head. “Yes now. What were you thinking? Don’t you remember how he treated you?” Kylo asked more firmly as he sat down on her bed. There was a long silence before he heard Y/N sigh from underneath the sheets. Y/N poked her head out from beneath her nest of blankets and pillows. “I was really drunk… And lonely…” Y/N started, she could feel the tears of embarrassment start to well up. Kylo sighed as he pulled his legs up onto the bed, lying down beside her. He turned so he was now facing her, he could see she was tired and that she didn’t have the energy to argue. He reached an arm over and pulled her to him. “Just because you are lonely does not mean you have to go back to that asshole.” Kylo said, his voice muffled in her hair. Y/N sighed. It wasn’t just that she was lonely and drunk. She was jealous. That night at the party she saw Ben making out with some girl he had most likely never met before then. Y/N had developed feelings for Ben, but she was afraid to tell him. She knew his playboy nature. After her relationship with Jason, she couldn’t risk it. She was still hurting. She had downed a few shots after seeing Ben. It was then that she had seen Jason. It hadn’t taken much convincing to get him into bed. She was angry with Ben and she was angry with herself and most of all she was still angry with Jason. At the time she figured it was a good idea, trade in one for the other. Both Jason and Ben were tall and had dark hair. They were both womanizers. Only in the morning did she regret her decision. Y/N and Kylo stayed like that for some time, Kylo holding her close while Y/N replayed the night in her head, guilt and disgust sinking in. “You should take a shower and come grocery shopping with us. You know if we let Ben go on his own we will be living off of frozen pizzas and chips for a week.” Kylo mumbled, releasing a yawn. Y/N had almost dozed off, if it weren’t for the nagging guilt. “Ok.” She said as she untangled herself from the eldest triplet. She had changed into an oversized sweatshirt after the incident in the kitchen. “Are you wearing my sweatshirt?” Kylo asked as he watched her walk to the door. Y/N looked down at the garment. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, I just grabbed it from the laundry basket in the living room after leaving the kitchen.” Y/N said, her voice a little low and indifferent. “It’s ok. You can keep it. I have two others like it.” Kylo said as he got up off the bed. Y/N smiled a little and opened the door. She walked down the hallway to the end of the hall where the bathroom was located. She opened the door and as she did so she heard a startled yelp and a thud. Y/N looked up and noticed long legs dangling over the edge of the tub. Ben groaned as he got back up, rubbing his head. Y/N immediately put a hand over her eyes. “I am so sorry Ben! I didn’t think anyone was in here!” Y/N burst out as she attempted to leave with her eyes shut. “It’s OK kid.” Ben said with a smirk. She could hear the cockiness in his voice. Y/N’s face had flushed with embarrassment. Ben had grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Y/N slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Ben who had now exited the tub and was leaning over her, a cocky grin plastered on his face. Y/N swallowed thickly, trying not to let her eyes wander down his form. “Like what you see sweetheart?” Ben cooed as he winked down at her. Y/N’s eyes widened. Ben laughed and walked off down the hallway to his room. 

Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about Ben all throughout her shower. She couldn’t stop picturing him kissing that girl. She also couldn’t help but think about how good he looked in that towel, skin glistening from the water. She felt a familiar ache growing between her thighs. She began to lather up with soap; one hand slipping further down her body as her other roughly groped her breast. Just as she was about to slip her hand between her thighs there was a loud knock on the door, dragging her out of her fantasy. “Hurry up Y/N! We’re almost ready to go!” Matt yelled from outside the door. “Fuck.” Y/N muttered as she rinsed off, turned the water off and grabbed her towel.

Y/N had gotten dressed and ready to go in a hurry, her hair still wet from the shower. She had grabbed a pair of leggings and a hoodie from her closet and pulled them on as fast as she could. She walked into the living room where the boys were waiting on the couch. “Let’s go.” Y/N said as she grabbed her purse from the arm of the couch, where she had left it last night as she and Jason had made their way through the apartment. Matt coughed slightly, awkwardly looking away. “What?” Y/N asked as she looked at the three men. “We, uh, found this on the TV and these by the couch.” Ben said with a smirk as he held up a black lacy bra and a pair of men’s boxers. Apparently her purse was not the only thing she had left in the living room. Y/N quickly snatched the items from Ben’s hands and brought them back to her room. “Alright, now let’s go.” Y/N said with a glower, her voice low. 

Grocery shopping with the triplets was always entertaining. Matt and Kylo usually had the most self-control and the most patience; Ben on the other hand had none. He hated grocery shopping to begin with, usually just throwing random items of food into the cart so they could leave as fast as possible. He usually chose frozen pizzas and other frozen meals with a few fruits and vegetables thrown in “for balance” as he would say. As they entered the large grocery store, Matt assigned tasks to everyone. “Alright, I will cover dairy. Ben you can cover snacks, but throw some healthy ones in there. Kylo you can go after fruits and vegetables. Y/N you can go for wheat and meat products.” Matt commanded as he passed each one of them a list containing the food items they were to get. Each one grabbed a basket from the pile near the door and set out for their tasks. Y/N was walking through the bakery when she received a text, her phone making a slight ping sound. It was an unknown number, but judging by the content of the text she could tell whom it was. It was Jason. She decided to ignore it, if she didn’t reply he would get bored and go find some other girl. Once again she felt a sense of disgust rising in her chest. She couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to stoop that low. Y/N was currently standing in front of the bread section, gazing at the bread, trapped in her own thoughts. 

Ben had seen Y/N from the snack aisle; he had picked up some chips, some popcorn, some granola bars and some fruit snacks. He noticed she had been standing and staring at the bread for some time. He decided to make his way over and see what was up. Y/N mustn’t have heard him approach as she gave a start when she heard his voice from behind her. “Hey kid! What’s up? Tough bread selection?” Ben joked as he nudged her shoulder. “Uh…yeah.” Y/N said, still gazing off. “What’s up?” Ben asked more seriously this time. Y/N didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to tell Ben of all people what was going on. He was the reason she had made the stupid mistake in the first place. Him and her jealousy and anger. She looked up at Ben and gave him a big smile. “I think I’m still a little hung-over” Y/N lied as she grabbed two loves of bread and shoved them in her basket. “Damn, how much did you drink last night?” Ben asked, eyeing her up. “I had two beers when we got there and then I had a few shots. I can’t actually remember how many shots.” Y/n mused as she continued down the bakery section of the store, grabbing some pizza bread from one of the bins and placing them in a bag. “Well, I’ve covered snacks. Do you want some help getting the rest of the stuff on your list?” Ben offered, extending his hand to see the list Matt had given her. “Sure, thanks Ben.” Y/N smiled as she handed him the list. Y/N finished up in the bread aisle while Ben went and fetched the various meats Matt had written down on the list. They met up with Kylo and Matt and then proceeded to the checkout. The ride home was a quiet one. Kylo sat in the front with Matt while Y/N and Ben sat in the back seat. As they pulled in the driveway, Y/N let out a yawn and stretched her arms. “How about we watch a movie tonight?” Matt suggested, cutting the engine and opening his door. “Sounds good.” Ben said as he opened his own door. Kylo grunted as he got out of the car, Matt took that to mean “yes”. “I think I have some homework to do. I really need to finish it before class on Monday.” Y/N said as she got out of the car. “Alright, if you want to take a study break we will be in the living room watching a movie.” Matt said as he grabbed some bags from the trunk of the car. 

The groceries were put away and the boys were now in the living room, lights out, watching some action movie they had popped in the DVD player. Y/N was in her room; she had her headphones in, listening to her study playlist while she typed up a paper for her history class. She was sitting on her bed, laptop placed on her lap-desk. She had a glass of water in the cup holder and some gummy bears placed in the pencil holder. Her homework had taken her mind off of everything that had happened. 

The movie had ended half an hour ago; the boys had each gone to bed. The apartment was dark. Y/N had left her room to go get another glass of water. As she silently made her way down the dark hallway that led from the bedrooms to the living room, unable to see anything clearly, she ran into something warm and slightly hard. She heard an oomph come from whoever she had run into. Blinking, she tried to make out who it had been. “Hey sweet cheeks. Not done studying yet?” Ben whispered as he tried to make out her shape. “Uh, I just finished actually. I was on my way to get another glass of water before I turned in.” Y/N whispered back, now able to at least make out his shape. “Alright, well goodnight doll.” Ben said as he ruffled her hair. “Night Ben.” Y/N replied as Ben walked around her and back towards his room. Y/N had gotten her water and walked back to her room, slowly so that she wouldn’t walk into anyone again. Her eyes had adjusted some to the darkness but it was still difficult to make out shapes and a little disorienting. She fumbled around down the hallway, looking for her room. Once she made it, she opened the door, walked across the room, placed the cup on the desk and lay in bed. Or what she thought was her bed. She was so exhausted from the day’s events and from worrying so much about what had happened the night before that she barely registered the sound of breathing coming from the other side of the bed. Y/N drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

Ben woke up and immediately noticed that there was something off. He was too warm, much too warm. He only slept with a light comforter; he should not be this warm. He also registered that his arm was not resting on the soft mattress but on something else, something that was breathing. Ben groggily opened his eyes, he was lying on his side and as he looked forward he saw a mass of Y/H/C lying beside him. His arm was slung across the smaller form that hadn’t stirred since he woke up. Ben was confused to say the least. He didn’t remember Y/N coming to bed with him. Suddenly Y/N rolled over to face him and Ben froze. Y/N slowly opened her eyes, blinking at the light that had come in through the curtains and was now illuminating the room with a soft glow. “GAAAAHH” Y/N yelled as she pushed herself away from Ben, effectively pushing herself onto the floor. There was a soft thud as she landed. “What the hell!” Y/N screeched as her head popped up over the side of the bed from where she sat on the floor. “I was going to ask you the same thing.” Ben said lazily as he looked at her from the bed. Y/N suddenly realized what had happened. Ben’s room was right beside hers. She must have miscalculated in the dark and came in his room instead. “Oh, oops.” Y/N said, more to herself. Ben raised his eyebrows. “It’s not that mind the company, I don’t. But you could at least wine and dine a guy before getting into bed with him.” Ben winked as he sat up in bed. Y/N rolled her eyes, her cheeks pink from embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to sleep in your bed. I got disoriented in the dark last night on my way back from the kitchen. I must have come in here instead.” Y/N quickly explained as she got up from the floor, untangling herself from the sheets that she had dragged down with her. Ben smirked a little as he saw her struggle. “Here, let me help.” He said as he swung his legs over the bed and reached out to help here. They attempted to get the sheets untangled from her legs. Suddenly, Y/N slipped on part of the sheet that had gotten under her feet, she tried to balance herself by grabbing onto Ben. Unfortunately this did not work. Y/N fell forward, landing on top of Ben who had fallen back on the mattress. Y/N’s blush had intensified as she looked at Ben. Their noses were practically touching. He had his arm wrapped around her waist; he had tried to catch her as she fell. Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat. Ben smelled like the cologne he wore but also like fresh linen and something that could only be described as Ben, it smelled like campfire and petrichor. Ben smiled and then started to laugh. Y/N loved it when he smiled, the way his entire face lit up, it made her face warm up. Ben sat back up, causing Y/N to effectively straddle him. He reached for her legs and began to untangle the sheets once more. After he was done he grabbed her by the hips and placed her neatly back on the floor, her feet landing on the cold ground. There was a sudden knock on Ben’s door. “You OK in there man?” Matt’s voice rang out through the room, slightly muffled through the door. “Yeah, everything is fine!” Ben called back as he rose to his feet. They could hear Matt walking back down the Hall. His room was across from Y/N’s, beside Kylo’s room. Ben walked to the door and opened it, checking the hallway. “After you.” Ben said as he gestured to the now open door. Y/N walked out of Ben’s room and back to her own, a blush still tinting her cheeks. Ben walked to the bathroom to take his morning shower.


	2. Thinking Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader tries to push thoughts of Ben out of her head. Unfortunately they just won't go away.

It had been a week since the bedroom mix up incident. Ben had not mentioned it and neither had Y/N. Y/N had decided to put all her energy into her schoolwork for now, at least until the semester break. She couldn’t afford to be distracted by trying to figure out her feelings for Ben. Only three more weeks until the break and until then Y/N would have to avoid Ben as much as possible. At least that’s what she figured would be the best way to deal with things for now. If she didn’t see him as often or talk to him as often as she usually did then it would be easier. Y/N was currently in the library on campus, working on a study sheet for an exam she had at the end of the week. She had left early that morning and hadn’t told anyone where she was. To her relief, when she took a break from studying she realized just how much work she had gotten done. If she were lucky she would finish tonight and go home and pass out. She took a granola bar out of her backpack and unwrapped it. Taking a bite she closed her eyes and tilted her head back in her chair. It was quiet at the library, not too many students. The ones who were there had either fallen asleep or were studying so intensely they ignored the world around them. Y/N was jolted out of her calming trance as her phone began to vibrate on the table in front of her. She received a few glares from some of the other students. She picked up her phone and unlocked the screen. Checking her messages she saw a new text from Kylo. “Wondering where you went. Gonna have a movie night tonight, wanna join?” The text read. Y/N sighed; she knew that if they were having a movie night Ben would be there. But on the other hand if she declined yet again Kylo would know something was up. She never really missed movie night, at least not two nights in a row. She had refused last week, opting to do homework instead and also as an excuse to avoid Ben. Y/N debated for another while on which course she would take. “Sure, I have to finish up some studying first. I should be back around eight tonight.” Y/N wrote back. She sent the text, set the phone down and returned to her studying. 

Kylo sat in the living room, cell phone in hand only half paying attention to what his brother was saying to him. Ben was sitting on the other side of Kylo on the couch. Ben had been going on about some girl he had met at Phasma’s party. Kylo had tuned him out a while ago. “So it doesn’t look like I will be here for the movie tonight. Carla asked me to come over.” Ben winked at his brother. Kylo let out a grunt and rolled his eyes. Ben got up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch. “Can’t say when I’ll be back.” Ben called out as he left the apartment. Kylo ignored him. Instead he scrolled through his messages on his phone. He had one from Phasma and one from Y/N. He checked the one from Phasma first; she was inviting him to a party this upcoming weekend. Kylo typed back that he would be coming and that his brothers would probably be there too. Next he checked the messages from Y/N, she had agreed to come to movie night. Kylo heard a door close from down the hall. Matt walked into the living room; he was wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and a light grey t-shirt. “What movie are we going to watch tonight?” He asked as he flopped down onto the couch, letting out a long yawn and stretching his arms. “I thought we would let Y/N decide when she got here. Ben left to go meet some girl so it will just be the three of us tonight.” Kylo said as he shrugged his shoulders. “Cool.” Matt replied.

Y/N had just finished up at the library. It was only seven thirty and that gave her plenty of time to get back home. She packed up her bag and put on her jacket. Most of the people had left the library already. As she stepped outside she could feel a cold breeze in the air. The sky was also dark with clouds. It looked to be on the verge of raining. Y/N quickly made her way to the bus stop. Just as she reached the shelter it began to pour. She only had to wait a few minutes for the bus to show up, grateful that she didn’t have to wait in the cold and rainy weather. Her bus stop was five stops away. As she waited she put in her headphones and listened to some music. There were not many people on the bus, mostly students who had been on campus. Finally the bus stopped at the end of the street where Y/N lived with the boys. She got out, lifting her bag above her head to avoid the downpour. She jogged from the bus stop to the apartment building; they lived on the bottom floor. Their apartment was actually more of a townhouse layout, the patio faced the front of the building; it was a small lawn with a gate surrounding it for privacy. She fished her key out of her jacket pocket and unlocked the door. She quickly made her way inside, dropping her bag on the floor. Her pants had gotten a bit wet and so had the back of her shirt and jacket. “I’m home!” Y/N called as she took off her shoes and jacket. Y/N walked into the living room, Kylo and Matt were sitting on the couch and watching TV. “I’ll go change into some dry clothes and then we can start.” Y/N said as she passed the boys on her way out of the living room and down the hall to her room. “Ok, we waited for you so you could pick the movie.” Kylo called out. Y/N got to her room, closed the door and began to take off her clothes. She tossed them into her laundry basket and walked over to her dresser. She picked out an over-sized button down shirt and a pair of track shorts. She slipped these on and grabbed a blanket and a pillow from her bed. She walked back out into the living room and plopped down beside Matt. “What do you want to watch?” Matt asked as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Pulp Fiction!” Y/N declared, smiling up at Matt. Kylo smiled, getting up and finding the DVD, Matt rolled his eyes and laughed. They all settled back into the couch once Kylo had popped the DVD into the DVD player. Y/N hadn’t noticed that Ben was not present until halfway through the movie. She looked around, not seeing him. Kylo glanced over at Y/N, noticing her looking around the living room. “He decided not to join us tonight. Went to spend the night with some girl he met at Phasma’s party.” Kylo said. He noticed Y/N’s face fell a little. He had always figured Y/N had a thing for his brother. He felt a little sad for her. Kylo knew the shit his brother got up to with women. He didn’t want to see Y/N get hurt. To tell the truth Y/N had grown on him, he saw her as a little sister and would do anything to protect her. By the end of the movie Matt and Y/N had fallen asleep on the couch. Kylo looked over at the two. Y/N had fallen to the side, resting her head on her pillow, which she had placed on the armrest. Matt had practically fallen on top of her, one arm wrapped around her torso and the other hanging off the side of the couch. Kylo got up and took the DVD out of the player and placed it back in the case. He nudged his brother awake. Matt squinted as he woke up and his eyes adjusted to the darkness. It was still raining heavily and it could be heard throughout the house. Matt untangled himself from Y/N and the blanket. Y/N stirred a little, not actually waking up. Matt stretched and walked back to his room. Kylo picked Y/N up and brought her back to her own room, placing her on the bed. He went back to the living room and grabbed her pillow and blanket. He brought these back to Y/N’s room. He placed the pillow by her head and he draped the blanket over her still sleeping form. It amazed him how much of a deep sleeper she could be. He closed the door behind him as he left her room. Kylo walked back to his own room, he changed into some pajamas and went to bed. 

The next morning was chaos. Kylo and Matt both had early morning classes and could be heard fighting over the bathroom. Y/N had woken up when she heard Matt yell at Kylo from down the hall. She got up and opened her bedroom door. She looked towards the bathroom. Matt was in the process of trying to shove Kylo out of the bathroom, which was of course useless. They were both pretty strong. Y/N rolled her eyes and walked down the hall. As she made her way to the kitchen she saw Ben asleep on the couch. He had come in early in the morning and had passed out on the couch. He looked absolutely exhausted. His shirt was rumpled, a hickey was forming at the base of his neck and his hair was absolutely wild. Y/N felt a pang of jealousy. She stalked off to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. 

Kylo and Matt had finally settled their bathroom fight and had entered the kitchen for some breakfast. Y/N was sitting on the counter eating some cereal. “Morning.” Matt mumbled as he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and a cup of juice. “Morning.” Y/N replied around a mouthful of cereal. Kylo had taken a seat at the kitchen table; he had also grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, taking a large bite. Everything was quiet as the three sat in the kitchen and ate. Ben stumbled into the kitchen, shuffling to the fridge and opening the door. He grabbed a bottle of powerade and began chug it like his life depended on it. Kylo and Matt stared at their brother while Y/N tried her hardest not to look at him. Ben finished half the bottle and then put it down on the counter. He heaved a large sigh, wiping his hand down his face. “Did someone have a good night?” Matt smirked. Ben glanced over at him, a shit eating grin on his face. “Yeah.” Ben replied as he began to rummage through the fridge. “I have to go. I need to study.” Y/N said quickly as she excused herself, placing her bowl in the sink and leaving the kitchen. Y/N returned to her room. She changed into a t-shirt and jeans, grabbed her backpack and books and booked it out the front door. 

Y/N stayed on campus most of the day. She went to the few classes she had and then spent the rest of the day in a café on campus. It was a small, quiet place. She had put her headphones in and concentrated on getting her work done. Unfortunately she couldn’t concentrate for long. Her mind kept retuning to the way Ben had looked that morning. She wondered if he always looked like that after sex, disheveled and an absolute mess. It was a good look for him. Her mind then wandered to other things. Like how Ben would look, sweating and panting in the after glow of sex. She then imagined what he would look like leaning over her, her hands tangled in his hair. She felt that familiar warmth begin to pool between her thighs. This is when she caught herself. She shouldn’t be thinking such things. She had promised herself that she would concentrate on school and not on Ben. She returned to her studying with some difficulty. After an hour she walked up to the counter and ordered some dinner. It was getting late and she would eventually have to return to the house. She knew Ben didn’t have classes on Mondays. It was highly likely that he would be home. She ate her dinner and studied some more. She stayed there until closing time. Afterwards she wandered around campus for a while. She couldn’t possibly study anymore. Her head hurt and to be quite honest she was tired. She eventually found herself at the bus stop. She waited about twenty minutes for the bus. As she got off at her stop she took her time walking to the apartment. She could see the lights on. It was almost eleven. The boys were definitely home. Y/N walked up the steps and unlocked the door. She tried to be as quiet as possible, hoping that she could slip into her room unnoticed. She crept into the living room but no one was there. She could hear some noise coming from down the hall. Y/N crept down the hall; all of the doors were closed. She got to her room and placed her bag on the ground. It had been a long day and she really needed a long hot shower. She grabbed her towel from behind her closet door and walked to the bathroom. She knocked lightly on the door but there was no answer. She went in, turning the light on. She placed her towel on the hook behind the door. Y/N stripped off her clothing and turned on the shower. She waited for the water to get hot before getting in. Y/N tested the water and, finding it to her liking, stepped in. The steam slowly filled up the bathroom. She let the hot water run over her body. She stood there for a while, not thinking or moving, just relaxing. She reached up and massaged her neck. After being hunched over a desk for the past two days she had the worst neck ache. Once she had finished massaging her neck she reached for the shampoo. She poured some into her hand and began to massage it into her hair. It felt nice, like she was relieving all the tension, her headache slipping away. She let out a satisfied sigh. Y/N then rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. Next came the conditioner, she massaged it into the ends of her hair and closer to the scalp. She left the conditioner in while she grabbed her shower pouf and lathered it up with soap. As she dragged the pouf along her arms, she began to think once again about Ben. It wasn’t long before her thoughts returned to his tousled hair. She then recalled how he had looked coming out of the shower. His body glistening with water. Y/N whimpered, she passed the pouf over her chest. As she did so she began to massage her breasts. It felt nice, almost as if she were relieving some built up tension in her body she didn’t even know was there. She continued to massage her right breast as her left hand travelled lower, abandoning the pouf to the shower floor. Her hand flitted across her stomach, feather light touches. She pictured Ben, his plump lips. She imagined kissing those lips, maybe giving them a soft, playful nip. She thought of how his hands would roam her body, his large, strong hands. They would grip her breasts, massaging them. He would then tease her nipples. Y/N’s hand dipped lower. She began to circle her clit with her finger. She bit her lip, holding back a moan. She teased her nipple with her other hand. She began to circle faster around her clit. She then dipped a finger into her core and then another. She pumped herself while her thumb circled her clit and her other hand worked her breasts. She was so close. Y/N was startled when the door to the bathroom swung open, bouncing slightly off the wall. “Sorry kid! I couldn’t wait any longer. I really have to go.” Ben announced as he walked into the bathroom. “It’s fine. I was just finishing up.” Y/N said, trying to make her voice as light as possible. She groaned internally. She rinsed herself off and turned the shower off. “Um, Ben. Could you pass me the towel?” Y/N asked as she stuck her head out from behind the curtain. Ben had been leaning on the sink, leg bouncing up and down. He grabbed her towel from behind the door and handed it to her. She reached out and took it. She disappeared behind the curtain, wrapping herself in the towel. She pushed aside the curtain, avoiding looking at Ben. She could feel his gaze on her. She shuffled out of the bathroom and back to her room. In the bathroom Ben’s gaze lingered on the door. He suddenly remembered why he had barged in in the first place and then closed the door.


	3. Can't Get You Out Of My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a naughty dream. Y/N and Kylo share a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted in such a long time! I got really busy with work and some school stuff. Anyway, this chapter is a little shorter than the others but I have been working on it for a little while. I hope you all enjoy it.

Yet another week had gone by, slowly; Y/N had avoided Ben less and less. She realized what she was doing was silly and that she should just deal with the fact that Ben was going to be around, she lived with him for heaven’s sake. It was just about nine in the morning. Y/N walked into the kitchen. She didn’t have any classes until the afternoon but she figured she could get some more studying done and maybe go get a coffee before class started. The apartment was quiet. Matt and Kylo both had early classes on Tuesdays. Y/N figured they must have left some time ago. She grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and set it down on the counter. She then grabbed a box of cereal from on top of the fridge and poured some into the bowl. She opened the fridge and got the milk out. Y/N poured some milk onto her cereal and then grabbed a spoon from the drawer as she put the milk back in the fridge. She sat down at the table with her breakfast. She was about halfway done with her cereal when Ben stumbled into the kitchen. He was barely awake as he rummaged through the fridge. He pulled out a jug of juice and poured some into a glass. “Morning.” Y/N said from her seat at the table. Ben turned around and looked at her. “Morning.” Ben replied and then yawned. “Aren’t you up a little early? I mean, don’t you have class at like five tonight?” Y/N asked as she got up from her seat and rinsed her bowl out and placed it in the sink. “I have a project to hand in before class.” Ben answered as he drank the last of his juice. “Oh.” Y/N said as she left the kitchen wand walked back to her room. She entered her room and sat down at her desk. She turned on her laptop and opened an essay she was working on. It was due by the end of the week and she was almost finished. She decided to turn on some music while she worked. She hooked up her iPod to the dock on her desk and put the device on shuffle. Ed Sheeran’s Shape Of You came on. Y/N began to type away. 

Ben had left the kitchen shortly after Y/N. She was walking down the hall when he heard the music begin to play from Y/N’s room. He stopped and listened to it for a second and then opened the door to his room. He could hear the music playing faintly through the walls. Ben lied down on his bed. He was still waking up. Ben was not the morning type. That’s why he had scheduled most of his classes in the afternoon. As he listened to the song his thoughts began to wander and soon he fell back asleep. About an hour later Ben jerked himself awake. He stared around in confusion. He had been having a dream but he couldn’t quite remember what it was. It was then that Ben realized he had woken with an erection. He thought it must have been a good dream, whatever it was. Ben listened to see if someone was home, he was going to make a dash for the shower and take care of his little issue in there. The house was quiet. Ben creaked his door open and looked both ways down the hallway. The coast was clear and Ben grabbed a towel from off his closet door. He walked quickly to the bathroom and opened the door. He closed it behind him and turned on the shower. He hung his towel across the sink and took off his pajama pants and t-shirt. His cock was still at full attention. He stepped into the shower and let the water run over him. He reached a hand down and began to stroke himself. He started of with slow strokes, building the tension. Soon he was stroking faster, almost there. With a few more strokes he came to his release. Ben rinsed off and then grabbed the shower gel and soaped himself up. After rinsing off the soap he washed and conditioned his hair. He then turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, Ben grabbed his towel and dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist. He opened the door and smacked right into something solid. Ben lost his balance and fell. Ben lifted himself up and realized what he had run into. It was Y/N and she was currently lying beneath him. He had knocked her over on the way down. As Ben looked down at her an image flashed before his eyes; it was Y/N lying beneath him, there was a sheen of sweat on her skin and she was moaning. Ben remembered his dream. “Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Ben blurted as he got up. He clung to the towel around his waist, which had slipped when he fell. He reached down and helped Y/N get up. “It’s fine, I’m not hurt or anything.” Y/N said as she straightened her shirt out. Ben gulped; he couldn’t get that image of her out of his head. “Well, uh, I’m gonna go get dressed.” Ben said as he made his way around her and walked back to his room. Y/N raised her eyebrow as she watched him go. She had never seen Ben act so nervous. She shook it off and went into the bathroom. 

Ben didn’t know what to think about his dream. It confused him. He had never really thought of Y/N in that way. Ben sat on his bed in his room, the towel still wrapped around his waist. After a few more minutes Ben decided not to think about it anymore. He figured it was just a fluke, a one-time thing. It most certainly did not mean he had feelings for her; it was just a dream after all. Ben got up and got dressed. He decided to go over his project one last time before heading to campus and handing it in. 

Y/N had left the bathroom and gone to get her backpack from her room. She gathered her things and put it all in the bag. She grabbed a sweater from her closet and left her room. He closed her door behind her and walked down the hall. Ben was still in his room. Y/N left the apartment and headed for campus. Once she had reached campus, only having to wait a few minutes for the bus to pick her up, it wasn’t packed this time around and there were fewer stops, she headed for the campus coffee shop. There wasn’t that long of a line. As Y/N waited she saw Kylo standing in line with Matt. “Hey guys!” She called as she waved her hand. They turned around when they heard her. Matt smiled and waved. Kylo just simply waved. Once they had all ordered and gotten their coffees they sat down together at one of the spacious booths. “How was class?” Y/N asked as she sipped on her coffee. “Boring, as usual.” Matt replied as he set his own cup down on the table. “Mine was less boring than usual. The professor has us working on a new project.” Kylo stated as he took the lid off of his cup and took a sip. “Why are you here so early? Don’t you have class in like an hour?” Matt asked, wrapping his hands around his cup. “Yeah, I was actually doing some school work back at the apartment. Figured I could use a break and come get a cup of coffee before class.” Y/N explained as she took another sip of her drink. “Was Ben up when you left?” Kylo asked nonchalantly. “Yeah, he was in his room. He was actually acting kind of weird.” Y/N commented as she looked over at the boys. Matt quirked an eyebrow while Kylo’s face remained impassive. “What do you mean?” Matt asked as he raised his cup to his lips and gingerly took a sip. “Well he accidentally knocked me over when he was coming out of the bathroom. He got all weird about it, like he was nervous about something and then left in a hurry to go get dressed.” Y/N recounted. Kylo narrowed his eyes a little but quickly regained his composure. Matt laughed and took another sip of his coffee. They talked for another while before the boys left to go home. Y/N got up and left shortly after and headed to class. 

When Matt and Kylo had gotten home Ben was just about to leave to hand in his project. “Hey, you guys done for the day?” Ben asked as he grabbed a jacket from off the back of the couch. “Yeah, we actually ran into Y/N on campus before we left. We sat and had some coffee.” Matt said as he set his bag down beside the couch and took off his orange vest. “Oh. That’s nice.” Ben said as he shrugged on his jacket. Kylo looked at his brother, Y/N had been right, he was acting weird. Ben left for campus and Kylo and Matt each went to their own rooms. Matt decided to play some videogames before starting in on his homework, his way of unwinding after a long day. Kylo on the other hand had decided to get his work out of the way. He wanted to have a little chat with Ben when he got back. 

Y/N had finished class and decided that tonight she would head home, since she no longer saw any reason to avoid Ben. Besides he wouldn’t be home until later. As she walked into the apartment she saw Kylo lying on the couch, watching some history documentary. “Hey, how was class?” Kylo asked as he looked up from the TV. “It was Ok, nothing too exciting.” Y/N said as she took off her sweater and shoes. “C’mere.” Kylo said as he held up his arm and made space for Y/N to lie down on the couch next to him. Y/N smiled and walked over to the couch. She lied down next to Kylo and he wrapped his arm around her. They stayed like this for a while, the documentary had finished and a new show on marine life had started. Both of them had begun to doze off. Y/N let out a small yawn; Kylo shifted slightly and pulled her closer. An hour later Ben walked in. He set his bag down and kicked off his shoes. He then noticed Y/N and Kylo together on the couch. He couldn’t quite place it but he felt some sort of emotion build up in his chest. It wasn’t quite anger but rather something else. He frowned as he walked over and turned off the TV. They remained sleeping on the couch, the living room lights had already been turned off. Ben walked to his room and shut the door. He still hadn’t been able to place the feeling. He undressed and got into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Upon returning to his bedroom he realized what it was that he was feeling. Jealousy. Ben had never really felt jealous before. He didn’t know why he felt jealous and this troubled him. Ben turned off the light and climbed into bed. He eventually drifted off to sleep, still confused. 

Y/N had woken up in the middle of the night. She was a little groggy as she awoke. She knew she wasn’t in her bed. But she couldn’t place exactly where she was. She felt something warm and solid on her back. She craned her neck and saw Kylo sleeping soundly behind her, one arm still draped around her waist. She laid her head back down and fell back asleep. Later that night Kylo woke up. He watched as Y/N slept in his arms. He then shifted and sat up. He slowly got off the couch, careful not to disturb her. He picked her up in his arms; she stirred but didn’t wake. He brought her down the hall to her room and opened the door. He placed her on her bed and covered her with a blanket. He then returned to his own room and went back to sleep.


	4. Isn't That Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben doesn't know what to do and Kylo makes up his mind.

Y/N sat in her room, her door hung open slightly. She had her iPod hooked up to the speakers in her room. Hallelujah was playing softly in the background as she typed up a paper for one of her courses. None of the boys were home. It was the perfect time to get some work done. She was hoping to get all caught up so she could take the entire weekend to relax. She was so fixed on her paper that she didn’t hear the front door open and close. Neither did she hear the footsteps down the hall.

Ben had come home early from class. He heard music playing from down the hall. As he made his way to his room he noticed Y/N’s door open. He walked up and peeked in. Her hair was up in a ponytail; she was wearing track shorts and a t-shirt. She was sitting at her desk and typing furiously on her keyboard. Ben stood there for a while and watched her. Ever since he had remembered that dream he had developed some mixed feelings towards Y/N. They had been roommates for quite some time. He thought of her as part of the family. He had never really thought of her as a potential girlfriend or even someone he would go out with; it was just weird. But then everything changed. Now he didn’t know how to feel. Ben cleared his throat. Y/N jumped in her chair and spun around. “Oh! Ben, it’s just you. You startled me.” Y/N let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, uh, I came home early and heard the music playing.” Ben explained as he leaned on the doorframe. “Is it too loud? I can turn it down.” Y/N said as she turned back to the iPod. “No, that’s fine. It’s nice.” Ben replied as he pushed himself off the doorframe. “Oh, ok.” Y/N said as she glanced back at her computer screen. “Well, uh, I’ll leave you to it then.” Ben scratched his head as he turned around and left. As he walked back down the hall Ben heard La Vie En Rose playing from Y/N’s room. He opened the door to his own room, dropped his bag on the floor, shut the door and walked over to his bed. Ben sat down at the edge of the bed. He could still hear the song playing through the walls. Ben let out a sigh. He didn’t know what he was going to do. 

Kylo was sitting in a bar on campus. Phasma and Hux had joined him. It was their usual after class ritual. They would meet up at the bar and de-stress after a long day. Kylo watched the other patrons of the bar, lost in thought. “Earth to Kylo. Are you still with us?” Phasma asked as she waved a hand in front of his face. Kylo snapped out of it and returned his attention to his two friends at the table. Hux merely raised a brow and took a sip of his whiskey. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been out of it lately.” Phasma stated as she gave Kylo a look of concern. “I bet it’s that roommate of yours.” Hux mused as he put down his glass. Kylo glared at Hux. Hux smirked in return. “Well? Is it?” Phasma pushed as she took a sip of her martini. “Yes.” Kylo admitted, glaring into his beer. “Let me guess. You have feelings for her.” Hux drawled as he watched Kylo. The dark haired man sighed and lifted his glass only to put it back down. “Maybe.” Kylo mumbled. Hux and Phasma smirked. “So why don’t you do something about it?” Hux asked as he flagged down a waiter to order another drink. “Ben.” Was all Kylo said as he took a swig of his beer. Hux ordered another whiskey, finishing what was left of his first. “So your brother likes her too?” Phasma pressed. Kylo wasn’t the type to be very open about his feelings or his private life. “No. She likes him. She just can’t see what an ass my brother is when it comes to women.” Kylo spat as he took another swig of his beer. “Ah.” Was all Phasma had to say. “Why don’t you grow a pair and just ask her out.” Hux said as he rolled his eyes. Kylo glared at him, gripping his glass of beer. “Hux does have a point. You should at least give it a try. I mean, unless you want your brother to have his way with her. And we all know how that will end.” Phasma said as she took another sip of her martini. Kylo sighed. He knew exactly what would happen. They would go on a few dates; Ben would eventually grow bored and break up with her or string her along if only for the sex and then drop her. “Honestly Kylo, just ask her out and if it goes well then good. If not, then at least you tried.” Hux noted as the waiter placed Hux’s glass down on the table. “He’s right” Phasma murmured as she glanced at Kylo. He merely sighed and finished his beer. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kylo said as he grabbed is jacket. Hux gave Phasma a look. They both knew what was coming. Kylo was never one to act rashly. 

 

When Kylo returned to the apartment he noticed Ben was sitting on the couch. The TV was on and there was a bowl of chips sitting on the coffee table. “Hey, where have you been?” Ben asked, glancing over at his brother and then back at the TV. “Out with Phasma and Hux.” Kylo replied as he placed his jacket over the back of the couch. “Do you know of Y/N is home?” Kylo asked as he took off his shoes and placed them near the door. “I think she went out.” Ben answered, his eyes glued to the TV. “Oh, well when she comes back can you tell her I need to talk to her?” Kylo said as he walked past his brother to the hallway. “Talk to her about what?” Ben asked, his attention now solely focused on Kylo. “I just need to talk to her.” Was all Kylo said as he walked down the hall and into his room. Ben frowned as he turned his attention back to the TV. He knew his brother all too well. Something was up.

Y/N had come home fairly late. The entire apartment was dark when she returned. She shrugged off her coat and shoes, walking into the living room. There was an empty bowl on the coffee table, the only light coming from the small button on the TV; indicating that it was off. Y/N trudged back to her room. She silently opened the door and closed it behind her. She turned on her bedroom lights and got dressed for bed. She then turned off the lights and crawled into bed, pulling the covers up above her head, drifting off into a deep sleep. 

Y/N awoke the next morning to the sounds of an argument coming from down the hall. She poked her head above the sheets and listened for a while. It sounded like the boys were having an argument. Y/N sighed and pulled the sheet back up. She didn’t have any work to do or classes; given it was the weekend. She decided to wait until the argument had simmered down before she got out of bed. With the covers pulled up over her head she could barely hear the noise the boys were making. She soon drifted back off to sleep. About an hour later she heard a knock on her door.


End file.
